another post

So I can't type much because my finger hurts from playing tabla. so it goes.

One thing that gave me pause this week: one of the boys on our group got sent home back to America. He didn't really break the rules, as such, he just didn't really want to integrate with the group. the program leaders made him sign a contract that said that he would try to integrate with the group or go home, and he felt like they were asking him to submit to their absolute authority (which they were) or go home. So he went home. This makes me stop and consider my place in this group and my reason for being in this group. Like him, it is unavoidable to consider that I am part of this group because I wanted to go to India and it was impractical for me to do it just alone--I don't have the travel experience or the common sense or the language or anything. But that makes it difficult to find value in the group as it is, for itself. I have not really had difficulty integrating into the group, but neither have I found intense close friendships. I think I am in a very different mental and emotional place from many people in the group--many of them are just finishing high school, and most of them haven't found acedemics to be a valuable focus of their lives, haven't been really turned on by learning. This is not a euphimism to mean that they are stupid or uneducated, they are pleanty smart, they just have a different life focus. But I have also not really given them a chance--my solution has been to make myself very busy with acedemics and music, and spend my free time immersing myself in India. So I will try to spend more time with them and connect with them on deeper levels. I am highly looking forward to my three weeks of independant travel in India after the program, however. I am also looking forward in the more short term to leaving Banaras and heading for the hills--I want mountains in my life, and it's getting hot and dirty here.
I left my notebook in my bag at program house, I had written a much more positive blog entry for today, so look forward to it tomorrow or later on.
Peace
jed